Home
Enjoy:
1) A BETTER BOYCOTT
A Rabbi is walking down the street in New York when he
is shocked by a sign hanging in front of a building.
The sign reads, "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000
HAMAS TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE ISRAELI"
Enraged, the Rabbi walks up to the building to go
inside and yell at the owners, but he is stopped by a
smaller sign saying, "THE CHEVRA KADISHA (Hebrew
Burial Society).
2)THE LAST WISH
Three hunters are out on safari -- an American, a Brit
and an Israeli. They are captured by cannibals who
start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal
chief tells the hunters they can have one last wish.
"What's your last request?" he asks the American.
"I'd like a steak," he replies.
So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve the American
his steak.
"What do you want?" the cannibal chief asks the Brit.
"I'd like to have a smoke on my pipe," which they let
him do.
Then the chief asks the Israeli: "What's your last
wish?"
"I want you to kick my rear end."
"Be serious," says the top cannibal.
"C'mon, you promised," says the Israeli.
"Oh, all right," says the chief, who delivers the
requested kick. Whereupon, the Israeli pulls out a
gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while
the rest run away.
The American and Brit are furious.
"Why didn't you do that in the first place, so we
wouldn't have had to go through all this?" they
demand.
Replies the Israeli: "What? Are you mad? The UN would
have condemned me as the aggressor.
3) ABE JUST WANTS TO DAVEN
Abe travels for his job and its hard to always find a
Synagogue every time he's away from home. Believing
G-d is everywhere he decides to go into a Church.
Abe goes into Church, takes out the tallis, takes out
the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to
pray.
The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services.
He stands up and says,"Will all non-Catholics please
leave." Little Abe goes right on davening."
Next request, again, "Will all non-Catholics please
leave."
Nothing.
Finally, the Priest gets up and says, "Will ALL JEWS
please leave."
At this Abe gets up folds his tallis and packs it
away, takes off the yarmulke and puts it away. Then
Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the
baby Jesus and says, "Come bubbela they don't want us
here anymore."
4)The fly in the cup
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup? Well, the outcome is dependent on your cultural proclivities:
The Italian throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
Ah, but what does the Palestinian do with his fly infested coffee? I thought you’d never ask…
- - - - - - - - -
The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.
Note: the war weary Israeli was wearing full body armor, so he lived to tell us this tale.
1) A BETTER BOYCOTT
A Rabbi is walking down the street in New York when he
is shocked by a sign hanging in front of a building.
The sign reads, "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000
HAMAS TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE ISRAELI"
Enraged, the Rabbi walks up to the building to go
inside and yell at the owners, but he is stopped by a
smaller sign saying, "THE CHEVRA KADISHA (Hebrew
Burial Society).
2)THE LAST WISH
Three hunters are out on safari -- an American, a Brit
and an Israeli. They are captured by cannibals who
start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal
chief tells the hunters they can have one last wish.
"What's your last request?" he asks the American.
"I'd like a steak," he replies.
So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve the American
his steak.
"What do you want?" the cannibal chief asks the Brit.
"I'd like to have a smoke on my pipe," which they let
him do.
Then the chief asks the Israeli: "What's your last
wish?"
"I want you to kick my rear end."
"Be serious," says the top cannibal.
"C'mon, you promised," says the Israeli.
"Oh, all right," says the chief, who delivers the
requested kick. Whereupon, the Israeli pulls out a
gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while
the rest run away.
The American and Brit are furious.
"Why didn't you do that in the first place, so we
wouldn't have had to go through all this?" they
demand.
Replies the Israeli: "What? Are you mad? The UN would
have condemned me as the aggressor.
3) ABE JUST WANTS TO DAVEN
Abe travels for his job and its hard to always find a
Synagogue every time he's away from home. Believing
G-d is everywhere he decides to go into a Church.
Abe goes into Church, takes out the tallis, takes out
the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to
pray.
The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services.
He stands up and says,"Will all non-Catholics please
leave." Little Abe goes right on davening."
Next request, again, "Will all non-Catholics please
leave."
Nothing.
Finally, the Priest gets up and says, "Will ALL JEWS
please leave."
At this Abe gets up folds his tallis and packs it
away, takes off the yarmulke and puts it away. Then
Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the
baby Jesus and says, "Come bubbela they don't want us
here anymore."
4)The fly in the cup
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup? Well, the outcome is dependent on your cultural proclivities:
The Italian throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
Ah, but what does the Palestinian do with his fly infested coffee? I thought you’d never ask…
- - - - - - - - -
The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.
Note: the war weary Israeli was wearing full body armor, so he lived to tell us this tale.
