Geshmache Yid!

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Geshmache Yid!

All things Jewish

    Jokes, enjoy!



    Jokes, enjoy!

    Post  Guest on Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:40 am



    A Rabbi is walking down the street in New York when he
    is shocked by a sign hanging in front of a building.

    The sign reads, "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000

    Enraged, the Rabbi walks up to the building to go
    inside and yell at the owners, but he is stopped by a
    smaller sign saying, "THE CHEVRA KADISHA (Hebrew
    Burial Society).


    Three hunters are out on safari -- an American, a Brit
    and an Israeli. They are captured by cannibals who
    start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal
    chief tells the hunters they can have one last wish.

    "What's your last request?" he asks the American.

    "I'd like a steak," he replies.

    So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve the American
    his steak.

    "What do you want?" the cannibal chief asks the Brit.

    "I'd like to have a smoke on my pipe," which they let
    him do.

    Then the chief asks the Israeli: "What's your last

    "I want you to kick my rear end."

    "Be serious," says the top cannibal.

    "C'mon, you promised," says the Israeli.

    "Oh, all right," says the chief, who delivers the
    requested kick. Whereupon, the Israeli pulls out a
    gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while
    the rest run away.

    The American and Brit are furious.

    "Why didn't you do that in the first place, so we
    wouldn't have had to go through all this?" they

    Replies the Israeli: "What? Are you mad? The UN would
    have condemned me as the aggressor.


    Abe travels for his job and its hard to always find a
    Synagogue every time he's away from home. Believing
    G-d is everywhere he decides to go into a Church.

    Abe goes into Church, takes out the tallis, takes out
    the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to

    The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services.
    He stands up and says,"Will all non-Catholics please
    leave." Little Abe goes right on davening."

    Next request, again, "Will all non-Catholics please


    Finally, the Priest gets up and says, "Will ALL JEWS
    please leave."

    At this Abe gets up folds his tallis and packs it
    away, takes off the yarmulke and puts it away. Then
    Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the
    baby Jesus and says, "Come bubbela they don't want us
    here anymore."

    4)The fly in the cup
    What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup? Well, the outcome is dependent on your cultural proclivities:

    The Italian throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.

    The German carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.

    The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

    The Chinese eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

    The Russian drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

    The Israeli sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

    Ah, but what does the Palestinian do with his fly infested coffee? I thought you’d never ask…
    - - - - - - - - -

    The Palestinian blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

    Note: the war weary Israeli was wearing full body armor, so he lived to tell us this tale.

    Posts : 721
    Join date : 2009-08-07
    Location : Pa

    Re: Jokes, enjoy!

    Post  Arik on Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:51 am


    Good ones Kristina and glad to see you here on the forums. cheers

      Current date/time is Sun Jul 22, 2018 10:52 am